- There are only 10 (1 or 0) types of people. Those who know binary and those who don’t.
- Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
- When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
- There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on the food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
- Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
- I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
- I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
- If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
- The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
- Things really haven’t gotten worse. We’ve just improved our inter-departmental communication skills.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
- Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.
- My biggest professional ambition is to get a desk where no one can see my computer monitor but me.
- Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
- I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
- Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
- I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
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